|Krispy Kreme isn't synonymous with self improvement.
||[Nov. 10th, 2011|02:44 pm]
The Old Grue.
Unless you want to be a 5 room 2.5 bath abandoned micromansion in Detroit|
I have room to improve. I've had a number (oh, if it were only one blithering idiot this would be less frustrating!) of folks attempt to deconstruct my recent need for self improvement. Its tough, the goal is worthwhile, and I'm worth it. So I vent in no particular order and at no particular target. If you're offended then you can Homo Sapiens up and bring it to me directly.
Losing weight: For the assholes who keep correlating the statistical likelyhood of actively losing weight to preparing to find a new mate - I'm fucking damaged goods. Even my close friends know that sometimes they need heavy doses of stimulants and psychotropics to keep up. Nobody wants a paranoid psychopath with hypomania outside a Stephanie Meyer book. (well shit. She *is* worth something!) When I keep this off i'll be able to do the one thing that I wanted since middle school - dress well. Right now its fairly challenging to get clothes that fit since I haven't surrendered to the inevitability of weight gain or the androgyny of the emo/goth scene I never could pull off.
Education: Lessons learned - when you think your online educator is trying to milk you they probably are. Before moving to Richmond the Financial Aid office for my school went through a bit of a shake up. I finally learned that somehow my major was shifted on me when I returned to classes after my last bout of Unemployment. I took too much time off, my old curricula had been changed and now I have to comply with the new requirements. Thats the way it is. No pardon, no reprieve. Still on track, but delayed. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE. I found I wanted to understand languages a bit better. Yes, I'm arguably fluent in English. My Spanish is almost solely limited to kitchen functions, My German vocabulary is miserable and grammar has devolved to a second year middle school level or worse - it sucks. I've been trying to learn a pinch of Mandarin and Irish along the way. Then there's the practicals of how to swindle people (hacking, rather than being a grifter. I've managed to stay away from the much easier Dark Side for the time being and its a point of pride.) and get past people's mistrust - here is a not so simple skill I wish I could apply closer to my own life without compromising my principles.
Work: Technically this also feeds education, but it pays the bills. From $15/h to $53k is no small jump. In a depression. Technically outside my primary skillset. Playing with upper management all day long. Self educated. Fuck you naysayers.
I will never be pretty, or svelte, or boyish. If I'm lucky I'll get manly and well dressed. It was brought to my attention that I've been less assertive over the last few years. I've been timid, needlessly concilliatory, and let myself be a dirty secret. No more. Other folks get to be on the defensive now. I remember being able to integrate gregarious with assertive. Respectful with realistic. Gentlemanly with coarse. Its taking a bit to put back together.
I will gladly be called to task and address my failings - but I will give as well as I receive.
This one has been tricky. Still in progress with my Humility.
Also still a work in progress.
This one is getting me more than a few looks askance. Folks are getting upset at me and my unvarnished opinions.
Apparently now its my being churlish and uncharitable. But I'm supposed to be the rock that can weather abuse.
No. I will be tactful, even discrete. Insult me however and I will respond in kind with precisely the mercy I reserve for my self deprecation. I'm done being a punching bag so fuck me, fight me, or get outta my way.
Ok. I confess. These are a mess - they have been for some time.
Separate and beautiful on their own merit seems never to be able to mesh with people's self image and willingness to communicate. Its sad, beautiful, and ultimately irrelevant if no one communicates.
So it goes.